In the Morning
by Nani-Chan
Summary: What happens when two Akatsuki members wake up and find out that they are not next to their lover, but next to each other? Rated M for language and certain scenes.
1. Waking up

Hello. This is my first little... Story... Erm... Thingy... Yeah...

Yes, I know it's short... Sorry. One of the charries is a little ooc... ish...

I know I'm not too good at this type of thing, I never have been, and I probably never will, so please tell me what I could improve on.

I might continue this, but I'm not too sure...

Rate and Review, please.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Akatsuki... Unfortunately.

_Nani-Chan_

A dim light brightened up the room ever so slightly, a ray of light making its way through the cracks in the blinds. The two "Lovers" in bed stirred, crawling closer to each other to make the chill of the morning lessened by their combined body heat.

"Mmm... Konan..."

"...Danna... Yeah..."

One lay there, arms folded behind his head, eyes lightly closed, and a cocky grin plastered across his face and the other lay next to him, snuggled close, half-conciously and delicately making designs on his "Significant Other's" chest with his index finger.

The first one cupped his lover's chin, lips lightly brushing against his.

"You know I love you, Konan..." He muttered/slurred, roughly pressing his lips against the other's.

And then their eyes opened.

You know, it's amazing how shock, fear, and a hang over can make you realize that you've done something TOTALLY wrong and irreverseable that you shall regret for the rest of your life.

One stared shockingly into the eyes of his subordinate, Deidara, while the other looked deeply into the wringed pupils of his Leader, Pein.

"OH, HOLY SHIT!" They both exclaimed, jolting out of the bed at the same time, both taking the blanket to... Cover themselves up.

As if looking into a mirror, Pein and Deidara glared hatefully at one another and both thrust out an accusing finger.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!

YOUR ROOM?! THIS IS MY ROOM!" They shouted in unison.

Silence fell over the room for a moment. Deidara started to tug at the blanket, the chill of the morning starting to get to him. "Gimmie the blanket, un. I need it, I'm cold."

"Then put some pants on, you pansy." Pein replied, tugging back.

"I need it because I'm bigger than you, hmm." Deidara sneered, tugging with even more force.

Pein rolled his wringed eyes. "I'm not even gonna have this fight with you, you immature baby. Besides, why do you think they made _me _Leader?"

Deidara was silent for a moment, a light blush creeping upon his cheeks.

Pein gave a cocky grin. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Now. Give. Me. The. Blanket!" He roared, ripping the cloth from Deidara's hands.

"Tch. Fine. Be that way." Deidara scoffed, then proceded to search for something. "Ah! I found it, un!" He exclaimed, holding up a black, frilly thong with the crotch cut out for some reason. "I thought I had lost it, hmm..."

Suddenly, the door opened.

The two naked men immidately turned their heads at the door.

"Good morning Ita-" The blue shark man said jubilantly as he strode happily into the room, an arranged tray of food in his hands.

Something made Kisame stop dead in his tracks, almost dropping the tray in the process. Maybe it was the two clothless men infront of him that he stared at, them staring back, their faces frozen in an expression of shock, suprise, and disgust? Deidara, blushing, immidately covered his exposed manhood -Getting it chomped by his hand mouths in the process- and Pein just stood there, almost dropping his blanket, his eye twitching at the sight of the shark man.

"-chi?" Kisame stammered, his voice pitched and dry.


	2. Flashback

Pein and Deidara looked at each other for a moment before turning their gazes back at the shark-nin.

"What. The. Fucking. Hell. Un." Deidara breathed, staring intently at Kisame.

Kisame quickly turned his head away, a light blush on his cheeks. "Ahem. Erm... What are you guys doing in Itachi's room?"

"Itachi's room?!" Pein and Deidara exclaimed in unison, looking at each other and then at the shark-nin.

This couldn't be Itachi's room... Could it?

_Flashback_

"DAMMIT!" A voice yelled, and then an explosion followed, rattling the dirty windows of the base.

The Akatsuki members in the living room looked at the stairs in bewilderment, a thick curl of smoke drifting into the room.

"Holy shit, what was that?" Hidan said, taking his attention off of the Solitare game he was playing and losing against Kisame.

Sasori shrugged, turning his attention back to the televison, the remote in his hand. "I don't know. I don't care, either."

Deidara scowled a bit. "Danna, someone could be hu-"

A fit of coughing interrupted Deidara as the figure of a body could be seen walking through the smoke, coming closer with each cough.

"HOLY SHIT! IT'S JASHIN-SAMA! HE'S COME TO PRAISE ME FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD FOLLOWER!" Hidan exclaimed joyously, rushing into the smoke.

"Ah, what the...? Get the hell off of me Hidan!" The figure said, walking into full view. Pein had Hidan attached to his cloak, who was muttering words into the fabric. The red head grabbed the zealot and pulled him off, looking into his eyes. "Are you drunk or something?"

Hidan gasped. "What?! No! Well... Maybe a little intoxicated, but not heavily drunk! It's not five yet... Is it?" He looked at the wall as Pein ran a hand over his soot-covered face.

"Alright all you mongrels, listen up." The Leader growled, getting everyone's attention. Well, almost everyone. Kisame had to turn Itachi's head toward leader, for he was going a little blind.

Pein furrowed his brow. "Right. Ahem. Well, I'm assuming you are all wondering what that explosion was. It was a failed jutsu that I was constructing, per Konan's request-"

"You're taking requests for jutsu? Can you make a jutsu that prevents Hidan from cursing?" Kakuzu grumbled.

The Akatsuki members started to laugh, save for Hidan and Leader, who just flipped Kakuzu off as the other closed his eyes in fustration.

"NOT. THE. POINT." Pein roared, regaining the attention of his subordinates. "Thank you. Now, as I was saying, I was creating a new jutsu for Konan, for I have decided to give her a couple days off," he momentarily scanned the other members for any signs of outbursts, "because she has been driven up the wall with all of your insane antics. The jutsu was supposed to teleport her to the hot springs, but I suppose she will have to just fly there. Any questions?"

"Are you going as well, Leader-Sama?" Kisame asked.

"No, no, I have decided to stay here... To make sure you heathens don't destroy or blow up anything."

Deidara silently cursed under his breath. His plans, FOILED!

Pein nodded, glad that no one was objecting. "Konan shall be down momentarily. I_ hope _you wish her a nice vacation..." Meaning that they'd better wish her a nice break, or ELSE.

-

After Konan had left, the members, other than Pein, had broken out the liquor. They started a game of spin the bottle, save for Zetsu, who kept his distance yet still commented on the game.

"I bet twenty yen Itachi's gonna kiss Kisame on the_ lips_."

**"Deal." **

The other members sat in a rather sloppy circle, all of them heavily intoxicated except for Sasori.

"So," Deidara slurred, "who's gunna go next, yeah?"

"Iamyoupansy... STOP LOOKING AT ME FUCKER!" Hidan roared, swinging an off course fist at Deidara that ultimately ended up hitting Kisame, who didn't feel it at the slightest. "Damn... I missed..." Hidan slurred before he spun the bottle with a limp hand, making it stop on Kakuzu.

"Oh. HELL. Yesss..." Kakuzu murmmered, crawling over to Hidan and on top of him.

"Damn you're sexy..." Hidan slurred as his lips connected with the stitch-nin's.

A chorus of hoots erupted, causing Pein to tread down the stairs. He took one look at the two members kissing, and almost exploded with rage.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Every member whipped their heads around to look at the Leader, except for two, his face red with anger. Kakuzu and Hidan were still on top of each other still kissing, and one even had his hand down the other's pants.

Sasori stood up, his face expressionless. "Leader-Sama. We were playing a harmless game, that is all."

Deidara stood up and joined his Danna, a crooked grin on his face, wrapping his arm around the puppet master's shoulders. "Yeah Leader-Saaaama... You should join us! It'ssss funnn..." He slurred, falling to the ground in a flurry of laughter.

"Harmless... HARMLESS?! All of my minio- er, subordinates are drunk, except for you and Zetsu, Sasori! AND WHY IS KAKUZU FUCKING HIDAN?!" Pein exclaimed, adverting his gaze with a blush on his cheeks.

"Because this man is fucking SEXY! THAT'S WHY LEADER-FUCKER!" Hidan roared imbetween kisses from the falls-nin.

Pein ran a hand over his pierced face. "I don't know WHY I put up with you fuckers..."

Itachi stumbled over to Pein, his breath heavy with alcohol. "C'mon Leader... Have a drink... Or two..." He whispered, holding up a bottle of Sake to the man's face, then falling to the ground, passed out.

Pein sighed before snatching the bottle from the snoring Uchiha. He looked around the living room.

Kisame was humping his sword Samehada.

Deidara was singing slurred words to the Sailor Song while laughing like a mad man.

Zetsu was in the corner talking to himself.

Itachi was on the ground, foaming at the mouth with his hand down his pants.

Kakuzu and Hidan were still going at it, now both missing cloaks and one in just his boxers.

Sasori just stood there, watching the intoxicated Deidara, dirty thoughts going through his puppet-y mind.

Pein exhailed and looked remorsefully at the Sake before taking a swig. What's the worst that could happen?

-

"You're... You're... You're a pretty girl..." Pein slurred to Deidara as they both leaned against the wall for support, too intoxicated to stand up at their own will.

"Yeah... I know, un..." Deidara hiccuped, taking a drink of Leader's Sake.

Pein snatched his drink back, and, almost immidately after he did that, he fell to the ground, too drunk to stand up anymore, even with the support of the wall. "Damnnn..." He slurred, chuckling afterwards.

Deidara looked down at the man and hiccuped. "Ya' need help, hmmmm?"

"Yarrr..."

With a great effort, Deidara helped the Akatsuki Leader up and slung the man's arm over his shoulder. He shuffled over to the couch and started to speak to the red head, his words heavy. "Okay... I'm gonna put you on the... The couch thing... And then... And..." Deidara and Pein fell to the couch with a hard thump, both virtually unconcious.

Kisame shuffled through the living room, a half-concious Itachi in his arms, heading towards the Uchiha's room. Itachi was muttering sweet, slurred nothings to Kisame, making the shark-nin smile to himself.

"And... And... I love you... Ya' know that...? You may be an ugly... Shark... Man.. Thing... But I... I think you're... Sweeet..." Itachi muttered, nuzzling his head into Kisame's chest. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Leader and Deidara on the couch, one ontop of the other. "K-Ki-Kisame... Get those two as well..."

Kisame, drunk, but not nearly as much as Itachi, raised a brow. "Why, 'Tachi?"

"Because... I get... I get... Bored... With you... after... A... A time... And... I'll use Mangekyou... Or a stick if... Ya' dun listen..." Itachi replied, thrusting a finger into Kisame's chest.

Kisame sighed. It was no use arguing with the raven haired Uchiha. Slinging the still muttering Itachi over his shoulder, Kisame grabbed the red head and the blonde in his arms who were now muttering words in their sleep, and made his way to the Lair of the Itachi.

_End Flashback _

Pein and Deidara glared hatefully at the shark man.

"W-What?" Kisame asked nervously.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE!" Pein exclaimed.

Kisame set the tray aside, (Like a good gentle shark man should) his brow raised. "It's not my fault, it's Itachi's! He demand that I bring you in here... Have _you_ ever been in Itachi's Mangekyou Realm?! It fucking sucks, alright?"

Deidara scowled. "By the way, where is Itachi?"

"I... Thought he was in here... With you..." Kisame said, looking at the bed.

"Well, unless he's invisible, he's not in here with us, un..."

Kisame turned a bit pale. "Excuse me for a moment, please," he muttered before rushing out of the room. "DAMMIT!" His roar echoed from the living room.

Pein looked at Deidara, and Deidara looked at Pein.

"Wanna go see, yeah?"

"Lemme get my clothes first..."


	3. Complications

**Sorry I took so long to update. I have many, many excuses. **

**But I'm sure you don't want to hear about them.**

**In this one, the story shifts its attention a little bit and gets off topic a smidge.**

**The next chapter will be the end!**

* * *

After retrieving their clothes, or, most of them at least (Deidara stole Itachi's belly shirt and mesh for he could not find his own), Deidara and Pein rushed out of Itachi's room and into the living room, Pein shielding his eyes almost immidiately and Deidara looking on with great intrest.

Itachi, Kakuzu, and Hidan lay together, all three of them naked, Itachi inbetween the zombie twins.

"DAMMIT! FUCK!" Kisame roared, tugging at his blue, spiky hair. He exhailed deeply, running a hand over his face. "Why does this keep happening? Am I not good enough for you, Itachi-San?" The shark nin muttered to himself, only then realizing that Pein and Deidara were standing next to him. His beady eyes flickered to the two, scanning them over. "'The fuck do you two want?"

Deidara stepped forward (Because Pein pushed him) and looked deeply into the shark man's eyes, deep within his emotions. The blonde gasped, seeing Kisame's face contort into a saddened scowl. "Wow Kisame no Danna... You're a pussy."

The shark nin twitched a bit.

A crack suddenly erupted, one that eerily reminded Pein of breaking bone.

Deidara slumped down to the floor, a trickle of blood running down his chin. "Fuck..." He muttered just before screaming out in pain.

"Er... H-He didn't mean that... I think..." Pein studdered, looking up at the seething shark man. "That wasn't very nic-"

"DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT NICE!" Kisame roared, picking up Pein by his shirt collar. The blue man scowled, showing his pointed teeth. "I should seriously-"

"Fuuuuck... Will you all just shut the fuck up?!" Hidan grumbled, slowly opening his eyes. A few seconds of silence when by as he looked at the two men before him, before he realized what position he was in. "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!" He exclaimed, jumping up and covering himself with a random near by cloak. "What. The... Fucking... Hell... Happened?!" The zealot shrieked, watching Kakuzu stir at his yowl.

"Hidan... Shut up... I'm trying to sleep..." The money miser muttered, moving his hand down to Itachi's lower area unconciously. "Mmm..." Kakuzu muttered, stroking Itachi. Itachi's face was unreadable for a moment, but settled into a look of pleasure.

Distracted, Kisame dropped Pein and watched Kakuzu jealously. 'That should be me!' The shark man thought with envy.

Hidan turned his gaze away from the stitched nin spitefully. He clutched his head, as it was in throbbing pain. "What the fuck happened last night...?" He asked no one in particular as he slumped down on the couch, the cloak draped over the silver haired man's private area.

Another yowl erupted from Deidara, earning him a very profane word from Hidan.

As if profanity was the magic word, Itachi started to stir. His blood shot Sharingan eyes took one look at the sleeping Kakuzu next to him and where his stitched hand was, and the Uchiha almost screamed. _Almost_. Glaring at Kisame and Pein, the raven haired man sat up much like a vampire would, except his arms were folded over his chest in aggrivation instead of the traditional blood sucker position. "Kisame... How did I get here..." The man demanded, his red eyes swirling.

"Same fucking way I did, probably. That cock-sucking, mother fucking bastard next to you fucking drugged us and then attempted rape or something!" Hidan exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at the ex-Takigakure nin.

"I... Doubt that's how it happened... But I don't quite know myself..." Kisame said, adverting his gaze.

Pein took this opportunity to help Deidara up, now barely concious. "Erm, a little help here, guys?"

"That fucking panzy can deal with the fucking pain. Shiiit..." The zealot muttered, his head throbbing yet again. "Dammit, somebody wake up that money grubbing dickweed and tell him to make my fucking head better!"

"That's why they have asprin, Hidan." Itachi mused.

Hidan growled. "Fucking... Gay-ass... Fucking weasel..." He muttered.

"Well then, if you're going to be like that without your meds, you might as well wake him..." Kisame said quietly.

"FINE! I fucking will!" Hidan roared, standing up- the cloak over his legs sliding off in the process- and walking over to the old nin. The zealot gave the man a swift kick in the rear, causing Kakuzu to groan in dull pain. "Wake up you old fucker and get me some asprin, dammit!"

Kakuzu scoffed while shuddering due to having nary a piece of clothing on. "Haven't you ever heard of letting sleeping dogs lie? And," he yawned, "can't you get it yourself?"

"Psh, fuck no! I fucking skin dogs alive and use their flesh and blood for writing shit! And it's _your_ fault my fucking head hurts so much! Get your ass up, now!"

Grumbling to himself and scratching his wild mass of hair, the stitched nin slowly stood up and caught the glares and stares of the four other people in the room. "... What?" He growled.

Deidara looked away and blushed before Pein helped him to the medic ward, not wanting to stay any longer. Kisame shaded his eyes and Itachi just 'hn'ed at his partner's reaction.

Kakuzu cocked a brow. "What? What's wrong with you people? Is there something on my face?"

Hidan looked away, a bit of blood starting to trickle out of his nose. "Kakuzu... Just go get me my fucking asprin..."

"Hm. Fine." The ex-Takigakure nin muttered, snatching his cloak up from the ground and heading off toward the medicine closet.

"Hidan, your nose is bleeding." Itachi mused.

"W-What? No it's not!" The saint protested, quickly wiping his nose. "Er... Fuck... Anyway... What the hell happened last night that could have slipped past my fucking awesome memory?"

"You have about as good of a memory as cement does."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Guys, guys, please, settle down," Kisame pleaded, placing a finger to his lips. "Zetsu's still sleeping, remember?"

"FUCK THAT STUPID PLANT!" Hidan growled, "He's probably fucking hungover, so he won't hear any of this shit! And I STILL wanna know what happened last night..." He muttered.

"Can you put some clothes on first...?" Itachi mumbled.

"Fuck you, stupid weasel-" The zealot started, then suddenly shivered. He was cold. "Go put some fucking clothes on... Fucking...Fucking grr..." He grumbled to himself, storming off to his room.

"Um, Itachi-San, you should probably put some clothes on as well..." Kisame muttered as Itachi stood up, the shark man still a bit mad at Itachi for earlier.

"Right. Come, Kisame." Itachi ordered as he headed off towards their room, the shark nin falling into step behind the Uchiha.

* * *

**Things I wanna point out/say:**

**Can you guess why they were all gaping at Kakuzu? :3**

**Hidan's favorite word is fuck, obviously.**

**Medicine closet: I'd think that they'd need something bigger than a cabinet to hold all the medicines and ibuprofen and other random medical shit they use everyday. (I.E. Bandages, Kakuzu's Heart Medicine, Asprin for Hidan, Itachi's Anti-Depression Pills(They've really worked wonders, too), Konan's PMS pills, Kakuzu and Kisame's**** Viagra, etc.)**

**Fucking Weasel: Need I say more? **

* * *


End file.
